by Women LOVE to throw around the term “creep” in reference to guys they find extremely unattractive.
Being labeled a creep is bad news.
To quote men’s coach BradP: “You need to avoid this category at all costs. Once a girl finds you creepy, hears you are creepy from her friends, or even sees you hanging around with another guy she finds creepy, you’re done. Game over.”
But first of all, what is a creep, actually?
The definition of a creep is someone who creeps – in other words they tiptoe in stealth and mask their true sexual intentions behind a wall of insincere, awkward niceness and other incongruent, socially uncalibrated behavior.
Curing someone of being a creep, especially after years of ingrained behavior, can be a challenge, but it absolutely can be done. It also often has roots in having experienced childhood abuse or other traumatic experiences, which led to low self esteem and toxic shame.
The fundamental cure for being a creep is to become comfortable in your own skin, to be naturally expressive, to “own” your sexuality and to be unashamed of your desires and needs, within a non-pressuring framework. You are who you are, you love who you are and if she wants to join in the fun, you are up for it. If not, then no problemo whatsoevero. Any kind of behavior that puts pressure on her to do certain things or act a certain way, is liable to be labeled as creepy.
It’s very hard for her to have fun if she is hanging out with a guy who has a massive agenda and is hung up on a certain outcome (getting sex). Whereas on the other hand, the guy who is unattached to the outcome, celebrating the moment and enjoying the ride whether he gets laid or not makes her feel more comfortable, which is far more likely to lead to her jumping on! 😉
You should do your absolute best to be the best possible version of yourself and enjoy your life to the full – and then let it go. Caring about yourself matters a lot, and of course we all want successful dates – but if you can genuinely be carefree about whether she joins you, everything will work better. Invite her over by all means, but let her be FULLY at choice. Don’t follow her around. Don’t lurk in places you know she hangs out and make it look “accidental” that you are there. That’s super creepy. Put your bid in and then get on with your awesome life. If she is interested, she will follow up with you – and very often she needs to pull back in order to make sure that you aren’t someone who gets all creepy and starts chasing her. Don’t do that!
The creep is someone who, one way or another, tries to control or manipulate her choices, rather than simply aiming to be the best choice.
Assume that she can and will see through all of it.
A second aspect of being a creep is manifesting low standards of self care – bad personal hygiene, bad teeth, bad breath and other factors of poor personal presentation. Note that these factors on their own are not enough to get a man labeled as creepy. But when combined with awkward advances they act as a multiplier. The converse is also true, its harder to be labeled a creep if you look great.
While you are at it – close your mouth when you eat and change your shirt. Creeps wear the same food-stained t-shirt today as they were wearing yesterday…
A critical aspect of being a creep is being hung up on rejection. Let’s put that one to bed.
Rejection literally does not matter. No matter who you are, no matter how awesome you are, you just can’t make everyone like you. Some will, some won’t, so the fuck what?
The best thing to do in order to cure this is to give someone the opportunity to reject you. Don’t deny them that option! It’s fine. And be like, good, getting that done quickly now gives me clarity and more time to move on to the next opportunity. And my, come to think of it – isn’t today a wonderful day anyway? Look at it! Look at this day! Nature never made another day like this – and here we are. In it!
Never forget, there are many opportunities. Every day is a new opportunity. Every situation an opportunity to learn, grow and improve in so many ways.
Congrats, you just flipped the switch on rejection.
The more you love your life, the less rejection bothers you. Guys who think that a woman is going to change their life, are more likely to end up in creepyville. Guys who understand that the only person who can change your life is you – and who are taking consistent steps to do that – are the ones who have the least issues with rejection. They have already created their own happiness.
There is also the wonderful gift of being able to learn from the rejection and take insights that you can use to become more awesome.
When you put your bid in, when you signal interest, you absolutely should not be forcing anything on anyone. There should be no pressure. There should not even be any pressure to get the point across that there is no pressure. If they don’t want to participate, don’t linger. Don’t try to push back. Don’t take it personally. Exit gracefully and have faith in the fact that if they won’t, it’s cool because someone else will. Maybe the next opportunity will be even better!
Trying to force, manipulate or covertly persuade anyone to do anything is repellent not only because it puts someone else in a situation not fully of their choosing, which is never a good thing; but also it displays a lack of faith in yourself, in life and in the future.
The cure is simple: Be the best version of yourself you can be, put your bid in and if there’s no dice, move right on. Learn from the situation if there’s something to learn and keep on becoming better than you were yesterday. That’s a healthy framework!
The way forward is to hold the frame of your ouverture with her as being a fun adventure into possibilities, and seeing if she is down for exploring that, without being attached to the outcome.
This also ties into the reason why, when you are asking for a date, you don’t say “What would you like to do?” Because it implies that you are not being really true to yourself. Better to state “My plan for the day is this. Wanna join me?” This comes across with self-assurance. You are someone who is expressive of what they truly enjoy, with no demands – which leads to greater trust.
If she really likes you, she will be up for joining you doing what you enjoy doing.
And if she says no, WHO GIVES A FUCK because you are doing what you want with this fabulous day anyway!!!
And ironically, this makes her more likely to say yes – because if you are hanging out with someone who is enjoying themselves anyway, you are far less pressured than if you are hanging out with someone who is going to be bent out of shape unless you do x,y and z. Who wants to exist in that environment? Especially with a big dude who might actually hurt her if he gets cross with her. Can you see that this is scary for her and would kill the vibe, even if she might have been thinking “He’s kinda cute. I would possibly fuck this guy, actually.”
So when she is chatting with you at the mall and says “Nice to see you too. So what are you up to today?” [questions are good, remember] – it is far better to say “Well, I wanna smash today, to be honest. [pause, and then as though you just thought of it right then, look her in the eye and say] Do you wanna smash?” Deliver that with a cheeky smile and even if she doesn’t want to, she might laugh.
You will certainly get “uhh, NO” a bunch of times. Do NOT act disappointed or butthurt. Laugh! And then say “alright, lets talk about ___” and just casually change the subject like its no big deal at all. It really isn’t.
There are 30,000,000,000 stars in this galaxy – and more galaxies than that. None of this is a big deal, I promise ya! We’re dust!
But you will get some yes’s. And you might get some “Not today – but we could tomorrow” or “Sounds fun but I cant rn” at which point you can say “Here’s my number, text me”. Do all of this like you do genuinely like her and think she is cool, but also like it’s just no big deal.
You see how much better life is when you drop the shame and just have fun with it? You can put your bid in without being an asshole and if you do it right, and she says NO you can laugh because its pretty fucking funny.
The next step in getting those yes’s is recognizing which girls are DTF (down to fuck / in the mood) and which ones aren’t. This is a skill you can learn.
Women go through wildly different levels of horniness throughout their monthly cycle. There are certain days when she really wants to fuck and other days when she is like ‘leave me the fuck alone’. Understand this. It’s got literally nothing to do with you, its biological. This also ties into the reason why it’s good to give a girl your number rather than taking hers. It gives her the opportunity to deal with you when she wants and only when she wants. Let her know you like her, pop the number, move on and then if she does like you and is feeling in the mood, you will get that “Hey” text.
A man, generally speaking, is hormonally balanced. Same damn mood every day and the biggest factor affecting his horniness, fundamentally, is how many days it was since he last came. Most men don’t really even understand how it is for women and how these hormones cause radical shifts in mood and behavior.
Anyway. When a woman is having a DTF day is the day when she is more likely to go to the club. She is more likely to dress a bit more sexy, a bit provocatively and signal in various ways “I’m looking for something”. Learn to recognize these signals. Most often, it’s subtle. Some women are bold and will approach. But many times, she will dress sexy, have a couple drinks, get on the dance floor and signal “Here I am!” She would love for a cool, charismatic and handsome man to show her a good time and give her what she wants. If the fuck only he would do this! So many women dress right up, don’t meet Prince Charming, go home disappointed, eat chocolate, rub one out, cry, go to sleep and then wake up and deal with their boring ass day the next day.
You can be that guy. It is in fact a sacred duty to take care of her womanly needs and take care of them damn well! 😉 You get bonus points for being well groomed, smelling good, being highly sexually skilled, being a lover who actually gives a shit (trust me, it’s worth it) about getting her off as well as yourself (without getting bent out of shape if it doesn’t happen)… and also being able to keep a secret. Being socially skilled in the art of courting, and being someone who has the aplomb to be able to carry off a discreet affair without OUTING HER, without fucking shit up and without being a dickhead about it… will get you plentiful action, great connections and some damn good times.
Speaking of disappointed women – there are MANY women who are in relationships with good boyfriends and husbands, where the guy is fundamentally a good guy – caring, responsible, good parent, financially stable etc – but in which the sexual aspect of the relationship is dysfunctional. She doesn’t want to leave this guy because he really is a good guy and a good man is hard to find. But she sure wishes he would put it down right in the bedroom, give her exciting, tantalizing, adventurous dates and then fuck her the way she wants, leaving her shaking with pleasure and thrilled to the core. In many cases, she’s given up on this and it’s gone cold.
Translation – if she cannot get this in the relationship that she has, she is probably not going to dump the hubbie, but if she can get the thrills without getting caught she is gonna go for it. And you must not blame her for that. She is a creature too and we all have sexual needs. Not as much of a need as oxygen, but we simply won’t have the spring in our step unless those other needs get met too…
See if you can spot these women. The ones who have gone too long without really having the love that makes them come alive. That lack gradually wears you down, dulls your edge, damps your fire of life and drags you toward resignation. Nothing to dress up for, to stay in shape for. Might as well wear those tracksuit bottoms and eat that cake because ain’t nothing else pleasure going on. And so it goes.
But she wants that man who can light the fire inside her…
So be the cool Don Juan. Be chill, fun, tuned in, charismatic, playful, non-dramatic, non-problematic, show her a good time – and enjoy the fuck out of your life.
Final Note – if you have friends who are creepy, you need to ditch them when there are girls around – because they will cause problems. Sorry but it’s true – and they will also reduce your value in her eyes.
There you go, that’s how not to be a creep.
