by Women are not your goal. They are a reward from life for living awesomely and being the best version of yourself you can be.
Don’t ever chase.
It’s a plain and simple statement of fact that women lose interest in men who chase them. As one dating coach said, “If you chase her, you will chase her right out of your life”.
Mystery – author of the bestselling book The Mystery Method and star of the TV show “The Pickup Artist” originally named this concept “Cat string theory”: When you chase the cat it runs away, but if you pull the string away from it, it chases after the string.
It’s really like that – no matter how much they protest otherwise about wanting a man who puts her first and is always attentive. There are a hundred of those men in her inbox right now and she has zero interest in any of them!
What she really wants is the amazing man who she cannot get to start paying her some attention.
When you truly reach a place of abundance and freedom from outcome, when you are living in such a way that rejection does not matter in the least – because you have an awesome life to be getting on with anyway – then you will have that quality that women like.
Trust me, when you are high value, they will chase you. Ever seen female fans screaming and needing steel barriers when their favourite rock star is leaving the building? And trust me, it is not just his autograph that they want.
When you are really on point, you will be amazed at what women will do for you. A woman dreams of finding a man who makes her crave to surrender to him and let him take her.
There is only one way to do this: Focus on self improvement.
It is a weird paradox, trust me. But it is true. You chase and you chase and they all run away and finally you get it and realize that you have to cure yourself of being the bitch, so you work on yourself. And the very moment that you finally say “I am actually unavailable now, I have too much shit to do to be even thinking about girls”…….
… they appear. The hot ones.
The polarity has reversed. Being permanently available signals that she is the best thing you have going in your life, which subcommunicates that maybe you don’t even deserve her. If your life was that awesome she would have to work and be her best to get a piece of you, and would feel some uncertainty as to whether you are “in the bag”.
Think about this and really take it in. Imagine a champion athlete, movie star, rock star or other “top tier male”. Is he going to instarespond to her messages? Not really! He is going to be far too busy and she is going to be the one trying to get his attention.
And this is how she wants it. It’s strange but true: If she is a 10, she wants a guy who is an 11. One who has higher perceived value than her. If she thinks (rightly or wrongly) that she has higher value than you, which is conveyed when you are the one doing the chasing… you are done.
Once, many years ago, I was working at a desert weekender festival and this ridiculously hot girl who I had had “a bit of a thing with” in the past was there. I was mad keen to have some debauchery with her – but she gave me the slip all damn weekend. Finally it came to Sunday night and time to tear down. It was over. I absolutely had no more time left to game and I was completely exasperated. I had an INSANE task of teardown to do (I was on the crew) and under mega pressure, filthy, fighting a ridiculous load of 300 pound amplifier racks and knowing that it was going to be 110 degrees tomorrow and that if we didn’t get it all done tonight we were going to suffer tomorrow like hell…..
RIGHT at that moment when I was like “I have no more damn time to even THINK about girls any more, forget it, forget it!” she appears and literally rugby tackles me, physically trying to drag me off to have sex.
And the more I tried to push her away because I had more important things to do than be waylaid by the likes of her, the more she chased.
True story. Cat string theory proven true once again.
A woman does not actually want a man following her around, a man who is weak for her. Unless he is a compliant and non-problematic provider, in which case she will tolerate him.
Note: this doesn’t mean “don’t do anything at all”. You still have to make your approach, you still have to open and you still have to lead the dance of seduction. But this is about neediness. “The thirst” as it is now called. You cannot be thirsty, you have to be already feeling good without her and “getting your energy from your life”. You have to be carefree, in the sense of freedom from outcome. You have to be enjoying the present moment and not so hung up on results that you become stiff, awkward and boring.
She wants a man she has to win over. A man who has his own vision, who is so into his own path that he barely seems to notice her. Whatever your journey through life – if you live as a warrior, fighting on the edge of time against darkness, despair and the universe that wants to tear us apart… then she will want you. It is primal. We live in a savage universe and she is hard wired to seek the best mate she can find. One who also will not just settle for anything second rate from life, or from her. She wants a man who has high standards and who will only accept her best, being totally willing to push her away if she disrespects or does not treat her man well.
You will feel it when it clicks in. It is like the poles of a magnet being reversed. Instead of repelling, you attract. To begin with, like learning to surf, you will have a few seconds on the wave before you fall off. But you keep going and you get better. And knowing that it works will cause you to chill out and be more confident, which amplifies the effect even further. Knowing that you are enough and noticing women sparking and connecting with your vibe is a great thing. Keep a close eye out for it – they are pros at making it look as though they are not noticing you. It is so quick that men who are less experienced will not even catch it. It’s fun when you catch them checking you out and is something you can riff on.
Women sense the direction of the poles of the magnet. If you are chasing, they will withdraw. Lean back. Relax. Let her come to you.
The funny thing is, you cannot fake it.
You can’t pretend to be disinterested, while actually being interested on the inside. You cannot be thinking “I must not text, I must not text”.
You have to actually not give a shit.
She will feel this.
The best way to fix this is to put YOURSELF back on the pedestal in your life. YOU are the only one who can change your life, not her.
And the more you transform your life into what YOU want it to be, the more you “live your dharma”, the more dating options you will have.
When you are really getting it right.. something interesting will happen: Women will start hitting on you. Bolder ones will open you. Other times you might think “Why is this girl standing next to me?” It’s no accident. If she is standing closer to you than any other man in the club, and she positioned herself there deliberately, she is probably waiting for you to open her. Or she will make some “plausible” reason to ask you a question.
In clubs, women normally are on the run from all kinds of dudes following them around. They get good at it. They don’t give guys an opportunity to open them unless they want to be opened. If you have been sized up and are in the crosshairs, she may also dance with her girly friends right close to you and they will put on a “show” – acting flamboyant, preening. It is primal. Instinctive. I have pulled in clubs just by standing there leaning back and taking in the dance floor. Looking comfortable and like I don’t give a shit if I pull or not; unlike the ‘thirsty’ guys who she is trying to get away from. They came to the club because they needed something. Trying to get something from her. This repels her. The man she is attracted to is already complete. He does not ‘need’ her in order for his life to be awesome. His life is already awesome whether she is in it or not. That is not to say that he doesn’t like women. He loves women.
But he knows that Women are a reward from life for living awesomely and being the best version of yourself you can be – and that his life isn’t going to change tonight.
Live your best life and stop chasing women in a needy way. Live your adventure. By all means, go out and meet women. Have fun with them. Be playful, light, unattached. Don’t weird them out. Allow them the opportunity to experience you if they desire it, and take note of who shows up. The rewards shall be in proportion to your awesomeness.
