by If she comes at you with “friends first” – nope. Don’t sign up for it.
There is absolutely no rule or no reason why you should fall into that frame.
Fundamentally, what is happening here is that she is putting a wall up. And then hoping you will throw money, treats and attention over the wall, trying to persuade her to open the gate.
But all that is happening is that you are rewarding her for putting a wall up…. so she is just gonna keep the wall up!
It’s all part of her strategy!
And besides – there is a certain type of guy that she absolutely will not put the wall up to.
When the guy comes along that she WANTS – all of those “friends first” rules will go right out of the window.
Yes they will.
He will be the one who gets the 1am “wyd” text. Or even 5am – when she wants to take a detour via your place on her way back from the club….
The reality is that, like cars, some relationships go from 0-100 really fast and others…. never….
The PROBLEM here is that when she shows disinterest, you keep chasing.
This signals to her that “she already got you, so why should she try harder”.
You just positioned yourself as a “spare”. You did this! Yes you did. By acquiescing to her “friends first” frame.
The only guy who signs up for that, is the one who doesn’t already have options. And if he treats her like she is his only option, on a subconscious level he communicated that she could do better.
Imagine the guy who already has 10 girls who would get with him any time, and a girl comes at him with friends first. How do you think he would react? He would laugh and say “Ok, bye.”
One of the female attraction triggers is seeing (or decoding) how the other women react to him. No other women? She’s one step closer to being out the door.
It’s really simple. If she isn’t interested, or isn’t playing ball – leave her your phone number, tell her to contact you when she wants to get together – and move on.
Maybe she’s not in the mood.
Maybe she already has a BF.
But if you “reject her rejection” and actually exit, her attraction will certainly go up, rather than down; whereas if you chase, it will certainly go down, rather than up!
You must always react appropriately, which means if someone does something you don’t want, you take your energy away. You don’t give her more!!
And if she DID like you – you might get a text one day.
Until then – be prepared to walk away PERMANENTLY and never look back. No problem at all, because your life is already awesome!
All I can say is, you will be surprised. The HOTTER they are, the less this happens to them. EVERY FREAKING GUY is right in their pocket.
So when that guy comes along who expresses interest, gets brushed off and then just MASSIVELY EXITS. No posturing. No drama. No “display” of “I’m leaving BYE”. But just goes. AND STAYS GONE.
Really stays gone. Really really. No “fishing for interest” text.
When it HITS HER that you are ACTUALLY GONE. COMPLETELY AND PERMANENTLY.
It sparks something in them.
NOTE – if she waits 3 months, then messages, and you respond in 5 seconds – you are done.
Actually have something more important in your life than her!
Note the difference between someone who is actually into you and is just trying to get validation from your attention.
Oh, they will protest, they will talk, talk talk. But if she is ACTUALLY DOWN she will ACTUALLY FOLLOW THROUGH. Otherwise, do not let them waste your time – because they will!
Do not waste another NANOSECOND of your precious life on “Doing stuff in the hope of convincing some girl to like you.” Because chasing, as they say, chases her right out of your life. Every damn time. She already decided if she likes you – in some deeper place inside – and if you MAKE EFFORTS it has the opposite effect.
Make your intentions clear. Set a date, and if she doesn’t co-operate, exit “permanently” once again.
NOTE – when she pops up – don’t reference things from before. Just deal with it in the present. She wants to hang out. Do you still want her? If so, set it up.
Don’t let her try to put you on hold. If she is into you, she will deal with you and will NOT MAKE IT DIFFICULT.
If not – move TF along and use it as fuel for your self improvement, which is what you should be spending 90%+ of your time doing anyway.
The good news is that most people find full power, consistent commitment to self improvement extremely difficult – because it’s uncomfortable. Which means that if you can actually do it – you immediately start getting an edge on the competition.
All of the above is why GAME IS SUPER IMPORTANT.
If you don’t have this stuff dialed and you don’t understand the psychology, you will get jerked around to the ends of the earth.
And in a way, it’s great. Her being the massive pain in the ass that she is, can help you sharpen your time management skills.
A man needs massive self discipline to win in this world.
