by I’m not particularly fond of the ubiquitous dating-lingo term “SMV” (Sexual Marketplace Value) – because “marketplace” has connotations of sex as a commodity that is bought or traded – and we should not commodify the divine!
However SMV is the term that is in common parlance, so that’s the term we will use; and the commodification metaphor does in some ways suffice – because we are making choices and being chosen – and there are comparisons of value going on.
In the most simple terms, people (consciously or subconsciously) assign a value to a person in terms of whether they would be a suitable romantic / sexual partner. We are biologically hardwired to do this – and the initial “hot or not” assessment is often made within one second (hence the popularity of Tinder and similar swiping apps!)
A person is seen as “high SMV” when you look at them longingly thinking “Oh God, I so would (do them)”. A person with low SMV is someone about whom you think “no way / gross / etc”. It is also possible for a person’s value in your eyes to go up or down from moment to moment, depending on factors such as how they carry themselves, who they reveal themselves to be once you get to know them better, their skills and attentiveness as a lover, the “mood of the moment” and even on whether they are “on form” that day. SMV is always assigned in the present – though it is in some ways influenced by past or future projections. More on that later.
A rating scale of 1 to 10 has been an arbitrary (and somewhat crude) measure of SMV that is used in society, typically among men; with a “10” being considered the epitome of desirability and physical beauty, every man’s “dream girl”.
However there is much nuance and psychology behind people’s behavior in this arena – and everyone’s personal “scale” and ideal of perfection is different. There is also noted difference in whether someone is perceived as having short-term or long-term relationship potential. Anyway here are some details:
1) It’s quite common for both men and women to assign themselves a higher SMV than that which would be assigned to them by others. Physically attractive women are showered with compliments all day long on social media, perhaps getting hundreds or even thousands of likes on their images on Instagram for example. Social media validation, or the lack thereof, can greatly influence and even skew a person’s perception of their own value. There are also many tricks-of-the-trade used to gain social proof on social media, so don’t read too much into it, especially in regards to your own self esteem, if you are not Instagram Famous.
Straight men also tend to regard themselves as better looking than they are. Scientific studies have demonstrated this. Straight men also don’t typically make as much of an effort to maximize their looks (aka. “Looksmax”) as women, because of the widely-held belief that they “ought to be good enough as they are”, and the perpetuation of the “blue pill” social lie that “looks don’t matter” and that their virtues alone (aka. the “white knight” attitude) ought to be enough to make a girl wet. This belief is of course absolutely false. Looks matter hugely! Women love a man who raises his SMV as high as he can and makes the absolute best of his appearance. Devoted care towards one’s aesthetics is an attractive quality that indicates self-esteem. Every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp dressed (and well built) man.
2) People’ behavior towards others is based on their perception of both their own and the other person’s value. This is important.
People assume mistakenly that “everybody wants the 10” – but it is not actually true, at least not in the sense of what they go for: If a person views someone else’s SMV as too far above their own, they may rule themselves out as a potential suitor. A person with very high SMV has many options and a lot of power in the social arena. So the suitor might simply assume (either correctly or incorrectly) that they do not have a chance, or might feel that their own value is not high enough compared to the other options their target will have. You will occasionally hear the very best looking women bemoaning the fact that most men don’t have the balls to approach them. It’s because the perceived “SMV gap” is too great and the majority of men have already disqualified themselves. Men have a hard time acting normal around women whom they perceive has having higher SMV than themselves.
Interestingly, women do this too. Both women and men will stay in the shadows if they don’t think they stand a chance. Which is sad in a way. You know the saying, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. So you might as well put your bid in – and there are men who achieve success purely based on this principle, that they always take their chances.
I know a man whose “lay count” is over 1000 including allegedly over 100 in one year, which is just fucking extraordinary. His secret? He always took his shots. He would literally approach at ANY opportunity. He was fearless. Back in the day if he was driving along the road and a beautiful lady was walking the sidewalk on the opposite side, he would loop around, park up, get out and walk up to her and just say “Hi, I saw you and just thought I would come and say hello, what are you up to?” Sometimes I would cringe at his game because it seemed so ham – and it often was – but he more than made up for it with sheer numbers, ballsy approaches and not hesitating to move things forward with a twinkle in his eye. Interestingly too, getting rejected was like water off a duck’s back to him. He didn’t care a rat’s ass if people thought he was a prick. One time we were sitting in a cafe and he suddenly said “watch this” and approached a table with three men and a woman in the middle of food and conversation. He opened the woman directly, said something about recognizing her, handed her his card with the words “well if you do happen to remember me, give me a call some time” and walked off. Talk about maximizing your chances…
If a person views someone else’s SMV as very low, they will not wish to waste any time on them and may even find their approach / presence objectionable or even disgusting. Many women who have very high SMV feel annoyed and even insulted if a man of very low perceived SMV approaches them. “I did all this and I get YOU?” That this person feels as though they have a chance seems demeaning to them, unless they have the grace to accept that every moth will approach a bright lamp; and that it is still, actually, a compliment. Though after she has been hit on 20 times that day and each of those men is wasting her precious time that could better be spent on “Mr Right”, she is bound to get frustrated. In general, people treat people according to their perceived value. Don’t take it personally, just raise your value. As Mystery said “She’s not a bitch. She’s just a bitch to you.”
3) For a man, it is generally considered advisable to be 1-2 “arbitrary units” of SMV above that of your target.
If your value is too high in the eyes of the target, they may feel insecure, or even become extremely uncomfortable and awkward (aka “star struck”) around you. If the person feels that you have too much “power” in the SMV dynamic, they will be afraid to make a move and may deliberately push you away as a form of self protection; requiring that you lower your value – typically with a gesture of sincerity, in order for them to feel comfortable with you.
If on the other hand your perception of your own value is below that of your target, this will be interpreted instinctively as low self-esteem – and this is a total turn-off for women. Men think that adulation improves their chances but the opposite is in fact true. If a man is looking up to her, in the manner of one who thinks her value is ABOVE his, this signals to her that she can in fact do better – and this will lessen her attraction. She wants the man that has value above hers! Pick any one of her top instagram photos and look at the legions of flattering worshippers. Are they improving their chances? No, they are absolutely destroying them!
Now can you see how game can raise your SMV and the lack of it can destroy it? This is why chasing ruins your chances. It lowers your value in her eyes. Your communication patterns, your appearance, your posture and numerous other factors all influence your SMV.
As men, the dream we all dream of is NOT “to get the girl we think is gorgeous but feel as though she could slip through our fingers at any moment”. The dream is to get the girl who we think is gorgeous and who looks at us as though she has won the lottery. Most men will take the 8.5 who looks at him with stars in her eyes over the 10 who looks semi-bored any day of the week. Feeling as though you could lose someone at any moment, because their SMV is way too high, is a terrible feeling of dread.
It’s similar for women. Their Fairytale Prince DOES look at her with stars in his eyes, BUT also (in her eyes) ABSOLUTELY MUST display SMV above hers FIRST. This is the important part of the equation that is not discussed! Male supplication does not raise her attraction, and it repels a woman who perceives your SMV as below theirs.
You do want your partner to feel that you have options, and that they need to treat you well because if they don’t, someone else will. However too much of this leads to insecurity and jealousy. The balance of value is a tricky thing to achieve but it ensures relationship stability. Both parties must place a high value on each other for a relationship to work, and being “in love” is that mutual feeling that you are each other’s best option for happiness. But one can see how difficult this becomes in reality. Both parties must have options yet must be choosing to ignore them. Sadly many relationships are one sided, with one party being the eager one and the other thinking “This person is (barely) good enough until something better comes along”.
These days, female 9s and 10s have so many options that for many of them, their own “ambition” is to snag a rock star, professional athlete, CEO, male model and so on. Your own SMV has to be extraordinarily high for this female to think of you as the best thing she could get – and a typical manner in which this value is communicated is via “social proof” of being seen to be desired by other high value women and regarded as a leader by other men. “Women want to be with him, men want to be him”. Your game better be tight!
However, there are many female 9s & 10s who don’t necessarily go for someone famous, but go for a man who has a more quiet strength. It’s interesting to observe the boyfriends that top models have. Occasionally they pose with their SO on Instagram etc and “show him off to the world”. In many cases he is not a famous rock star but simply a cool but surprisingly understated dude. There is something about the “limelight” that it is rare for both parties in a successful couple to be vying for it. It tends to follow that one wants to be in the spotlight and the other is content not to be in it – and these personality types in fact complement each other in a relationship. In the past I clearly remember one girl – beautiful, in fact – turning me down because she felt she would be “forever in my shadow” (those were her exact words!)
4) As a consequence of all this, and in summary, the best thing you can possibly do is to raise your own SMV so that your dream girl looks at you with stars in her eyes, rather than as wallpaper.
It will be in your best interests to be seen as The Fairytale Prince. Reinvent yourself if necessary. Remember that SMV is assigned in the present and that what you were in the past is less important than what you are now and what you will be in the future. If anything, signs of self-improvement are regarded very positively as they indicate trajectory. People love someone whose star is on the rise and whose potential seems limitless. Be that person. And don’t make the classic male mistake of placing too much emphasis on past performance. Don’t try to sell yourself to a woman based on the credentials of who you used to be. She does not fucking care. It’s who you are today that matters.
What’s interesting is that in order to appear as The Fairytale Prince, it typically (and controversially) requires NOT that you become more of a “nice guy” – chivalrous, etc – but that you Demonstrate Higher Value in primal terms: Showing yourself as Leader of Men, Already Desired by Women, have access to resources, great aesthetics, charismatic, stylish and well groomed, unattached, doesn’t chase, etc.
Here’s the tutorial on How To Raise Your SMV.
