by It is extremely difficult to have a completely fulfilling life if there are people attempting to exploit you in various ways for their own ends; riding rough-shod across your fields and trampling your flowers. It’s time to close the gate.
You Are Being Cockblocked
In the modern world it is essentially socially frowned upon for a man to have game, and to be successfully pulling and enjoying sexual adventures. A successful bachelor will be labeled as a player, mocked and even criticized for not “manning up” (translation: for not providing support for someone else’s kids!) Society in general wants to pour salt on a man’s game! And then on top of that, you have the various individuals who make a point of doing so for their own purposes.
High Value Attracts The Sharks
Learning to deal with manipulative people applies to everyone but may be especially important to “successful people” for the simple reason that the more you have, the more that people will want to have a piece of you. This is simple life 101. The juicier the leaf, the more caterpillars there are nibbling at it. So you will find that as you grow in power in life, the games become more difficult, and the sharks become bigger, faster and hungrier. Achieve sudden wealth and all sorts of people may befriend and flatter you – for their own ends. The same applies to good looks, status and other forms of value – and not everyone plays nice.
So before you present yourself naively as a “high value guy” that has resources and is highly desired by women, you have to ask yourself whether you really want the inevitable consequences of appearing this way. Being desired by women sounds good on paper but you have to consider the fact that these people may well not have any interest whatsoever in improving your life and may only have an interest in improving their own. This is typically not good news!
It is therefore sometimes best to keep your value under wraps and learn to control the “statement” you are making. This applies both to physical wealth and other forms of value such as status. Fame can be a nightmare – as is well known. And displaying wealth merely signals to any pirates in the vicinity that you are a loaded galleon ripe for the plunder.
Human Nature
There are fundamentally two kinds of people. Those who give a damn about you – or at least live by some sort of ethical code where they have a baseline of treating people with fairness and respect, and those who are out for whatever they can get and have no qualms about taking what they want for themselves, sometimes with no care for the consequences or damage caused. Some people are cool, but others will shit on you in extraordinary ways. This is a fact of life.
This form of selfishness has always lurked in the shadows of human life but appears to be getting more prevalent in the modern world. I wonder if there is in general less of a code of ethics than there used to be and more of a drive to “get what’s yours”. It seems that way, although it is difficult to say ultimately and it might be a perennial part of human nature.
Women have however been particularly encouraged and legitimized by modern culture (girl power, yay!) to become unashamedly selfish – using their charm and sexuality to gain status, power and wealth. It has already been decreed from upon high that men are assholes, and so, conveniently dehumanized, men are fair game in the eyes of many women.
There is also a “halo effect” where the more good looking a person is, the more virtuous they are believed to be. This has been proven by scientific study. It is also quite possible that being good looking has in fact made them less virtuous: Good looking people are given free pass after free pass for bad behavior and in many cases this has led, through negative conditioning, to them being entirely corrupt – having had no boundaries for so long, that selfishness and manipulation have become so deeply ingrained that they cannot easily be changed. Reliance on charm has become the absolute default mode. It need hardly be said that after their charms fade, people of this type, having developed no virtue, will have nothing that anyone wants. Women of this type will wail “Where have all the good men gone?” and console themselves with cats, Haagen Das and Netflix binges instead of creating value for others. I can hear them saying it now. “Value for others? Ain’t nobody got time for that!”
Regardless of the trappings and surfaces that people present to you, their glamour and sparkle, their talk and charm, you must learn to see through to the core of the person and understand whether they actually care about you, or whether they only care about their own gain. Even the most skilled manipulator cannot deceive the person who truly understands human nature and can read motive accurately.
Note however that this is not a simple yes/no equation. There are various degrees of selfishness. It’s a spectrum – with the majority of people being somewhere in the middle; of course having self-interest, but with an overall concept of fairness and “the win win”.
Some people on the other hand are dangerous – plain and simple. You will be stunned, shocked and flabbergasted at the low moves that people are capable of pulling. I have seen people swindle businesses or rip off friends and family with no qualms. I have encountered people drugging people’s drinks both for sexual predation and for sadistic amusement. And I have seen people fabricate an extraordinarily complex web of deceit in order to bring another person down.
Playing For Keeps
When a woman finds a man that she wants for keeps, the game changes. Now some women are cool and don’t act possessive. But very many will do whatever they can to keep the other women away. Most of the time, the man won’t have an inkling of what is going on. She will be sugar and spice and all things nice to his face, while giving death glares to other females when he is looking the other way. Women are PROS at this. And the more desirable you are, the more intense it gets. You will be disgusted at the dastardly way some women, supposedly the fairer sex, compete with other women. And you have to peep game, otherwise you will get creamed. Watch out for the woman who wants you for herself. Watch out for the ones who are pissed off for a week after you so much as glance at the ass of a girl who was walking the other way down the street. Big red flag. Does she want to control you or does she actually care about your happiness? Choose ye well!
Putting You In Orbit
A manipulator may even be someone who is not actually having a scene with you and has no intention of doing so. People who are social climbers want to associate with high value people because it makes them look good or confers other social benefits. You might be being kept around as a kind of accessory. Women who are competing with other women may like to collect orbiters.
Orbiters are essentially male admirers who she has no intention of sleeping with, but make her look good or do favors for her. Shallow women love to make a display of all the attention they are getting from men. She will pull tricks such as inviting you round to her work place to bring her a coffee (and being the chump you are, you will say yes because then you get to see her, you desperate fool). Unless you are actually getting some, she is not doing this because she is longing to see you, she is doing it because she wants her co-workers to see how admired and powerful she is. It’s pathetic… but it happens – with manipulative people. Cool people don’t do that kind of bullshit. But the problem is that cool people are often the suckers. Because it does not occur to them to do such absurd things, they do not see it coming either. So you need to be wise and adept at reading people. It comes through experience – sadly, often too late, after someone has already ruined your situation utterly. If you have ever been in the position of having your dreams shattered and looking back, too late, you will know exactly what I am talking about.
I Shall Decide What You Get
Some people are strangely, even perversely controlling. Some people, both male and female – even people you do not have a romantic connection with – will want to play gatekeeper in your sex life. They have somehow decided what THEY think is suitable for you (it’s none of their damn business!) and will pull various tricks to run off, derail and pour salt on scenarios that do not meet their approval. Family members, co-workers, supposed friends, exes, competing admirers and even complete strangers might have a hand to to play, so keep your eyes peeled.
Women in groups will often cockblock the other girls in the group; and men will be vetted for approval before the girl is “allowed” to associate with him by her friends. Sometimes this is done for justifiable reason – to run off predators, fuckboys and guys who are bad news, but it is often done also out of jealousy or for various other controlling motives; and may even be done habitually, by default. In general, hotter women are more likely to be ‘locked down’ in terms of social access. In difficult scenarios you may not be able to get her away from her friends and may need to do a stealth number drop and meet with the girl privately. You do have a catch card, don’t you? A simple, small card (smaller is better, it can be palmed!) can be exchanged in 0.5 seconds whereas one of you putting your number in the other’s phone is slow and very visible. If she has been making “I want you” eyes at you, but is in a situation where she is locked down or being pulled away by her mates, you might be able to slip her your catch card by stealth.
…And she will appreciate your discretion. Many women will ONLY sleep with a man who she can trust to be discreet – so learn this skill. And there are many situations where a woman thinks a man is hot and would actually do him but the man is considered ‘taboo’ by her peers – too poor, too dirty, too old, too crazy, “bad boy” etc. If you can recognize these signals and provide the opportunity for a discreet encounter, you might just be in luck.
It’s not just women who cockblock though. In my youth, a male friend of mine would attempt to pour salt on my scene with girls. A man being cockblocked by a male friend! Imagine that! He would either put me down in front of them, persuade me that they were beneath me, cite various pseudo-moralistic reasons why I ought not to be with her (watch out for those) or otherwise psychologically undermine the relationship between me and the girl. Sometimes the motive was transparent – so that he could get in there himself. Other times, it was more bizarre – he was actually jealous of the connection and wanted ‘bro time’ sufficiently that he would derail my intimate time with the girl and steal me away. Sounds gay but it in fact was not.. just very, very controlling. Some people are so controlling that they need to be in control for no reason other than that they need to be in control. And some are extremely charismatic, clever and so skilled that they will run rings around you, until you get hip to the game. At the time, I was young and innocent and simply had no clue what was going on, or that anyone could even have such absurd motives. I got creamed. This person successfully salted my game on three separate occasions to my knowledge – and perhaps more! Then one day I wised up, and had a moment of clarity where it suddenly all made sense. But it was sadly far too late for those situations that they had smashed. I don’t hang out with that “friend” socially any more. Such persons are not, in fact, your friends.
The List Goes On and I have barely even given scratched the surface of the myriad of possible cockblocks you might receive.
Get Clarity
It is contrary to your interests to associate even peripherally with manipulative, selfish people. You must learn the art of removing them from your life.
The first step in reclaiming your life is recognizing who is who. This is mission critical and often extremely difficult. Pay attention to those who don’t clap when you win. Some manipulators are so skilled that you may only realize ten years later that you were had. In other cases, you would never have known, were it not for information supplied by an ally. And in other cases, you will simply never know what actually went down. It’s sad that so often you only get wise years after, when it really is too late and the past is frozen in time. But that’s life. There must be millions of people who only get clarity on their life when they are old or dying and it’s too late. Don’t be someone who can only look back helplessly thinking “if only”…
Cut The Cords
The next step is to remove people from your life who have their hooks into you. This can be a real adventure and the difficulty may vary. In simple cases you might simply “go ghost” and avoid contacting that person. In more difficult cases you may be required to make serious and drastic life changes to get away from a bad person.
You cannot necessarily simply confront such a person with their misdeeds and cause them to change. They will evade, lie, cheat… and continue – and furthermore may quite likely take your accusations very personally. Of course, they are perfect in their own narcissistic mind – and so such attempts to reinstate truth and fairness can only be interpreted as an evil attack that is quite unwarranted; one which must therefore be thwarted by bringing even bigger guns into the field. Which the expert manipulator will always have.
A bad person is a bad person (well this is a deep topic actually and outside the scope of this article) and you should think first about saving your own skin and that of any loved ones who are suffering at the hands of a manipulator. Holding up the mirror to their face will only amplify the darkness. And revenge will often lead to horrible consequences for all concerned. There is only one thing a man can do: You have to remove them from your life and prevent them from wrecking your scene any more.
If the scenario requires any kind of face-to-face engagement, do it privately and inform the person, kindly but firmly, that it is over and that you will be moving forward without them. Cutting the cords should be done cleanly, completely and decisively. Expect that there will be denial and protestations of innocence; possibly even crocodile tears. It’s likely that the perpetrator might try to worm their way back in. But you don’t need them and the real challenge here is simply to stay firm, end the conversation and walk away. They may bait you in order to get you to re-engage. Don’t fall for it. It’s over. Walk away without looking back and make a fresh start. Don’t waste your time on these people. There are 7 billion others waiting in the wings, and you can do better. Ditch the losers, ditch the people holding you back and start living the life YOU dream of, free from those who try to peck you, put you down, clip your wings or mess with your game.
“Reclaiming your own identity” – on a psychological level – may have some value. Remember that you are a free adult who has a right to consensual relations with another, without anyone else making it their business. You have a right to choose who is in your life and you are not required to maintain social connections that do not serve you positively. You must also be aware that you need to stand up for yourself because people will not always respect you just because that is what they ought to do. Not everyone is cool that way.
Damage Control
A lie, as is well known, “gets half way around the world before the truth gets its pants on”. It may be impossible for you to set the record straight in all instances, but you should take care of reputation management, correcting misinformation wherever it is possible and prudent to do so. It’s sad that people poisoned against you may never know the truth – and in some situations you simply have to let it go and look forward to bright new beginnings.
A Gentleman Does Not Kiss And Tell
A most advisable step is simply not to inform people of your private affairs. At all. Gossip spreads and you know the old saying “loose lips sink ships”. Bank robbers and the like are often only caught because they could not resist boasting to someone of their deeds. Keeping an actual secret, especially one you are proud of, is very difficult and most people cannot do it. It’s the same with romantic liaisons. Let’s say you have a new crush. Will you keep it to yourself so that no jealous person can ruin the set? Let’s say you sealed the deal with this super fine babe. Would you be able to resist calling your mates and boasting of your conquest? I’ve made this mistake too. Told a friend about a scene I had had with a lady, and made the mistake of telling said friend where she works. He went round there to game her a couple of days later.
Why are you doing this anyway? Going after hot women so that you can boast to your pals is a pretty lame reason to go on the pull – and not only this but women are likely to shut down on you if they suspect this kind of egoism – because they have a reputation to protect too; not to mention that they will likely be seeking someone who is into them for them, not as a trophy! So get clear on your motives and keep your private life private. Intimacy is intimate because it is shared between the persons concerned and no others.
Privacy is even more difficult now in the age of social media. Information about your private life should not be laid out on Facebook or anywhere else. It isn’t Zuckerberg or anyone else’s business whether you are in a relationship so keep it that way.
Trusted Allies
Learn to recognize the true ally – the person who is all the way down for you. There are not many of those true friends in your life and you are lucky if you have one.
The person who is really down for you, all the way down, will be the one to inform you of a conspiracy against you, out of loyalty to you over the perpetrators. But watch out for potential motives for doing so. Maybe they want to give the appearance of loyalty but for some deeper, more calculating purpose. It goes deep!
In order to get loyalty, you have to give loyalty. A person has to believe that they will be better off being loyal to you than not. They have to feel recognized and acknowledged, protected and cared for.
Inexperienced people have no real idea of the value of trust. Someone you can trust to the end is gold. There are too few of those people around. When you find one, do what you can to give this person value, kindness, gratitude, and reward them for being true.
Make A List
This is a fantastic exercise. Here is what I would recommend. Create three categories. 1) “People who screwed me over in some way”. 2) “People in the middle ground” (who have done some harm but also some real good, or are under suspicion) and 3) “People who have never screwed me over as far as I know”.
Go through all the people you have known throughout your life. No point in adding people who are mere acquaintances. We are talking about actual friends and people you have spent real time with here. You can even rank the people in some kind of order, with the people you have known the longest or spent the most time with at the top.
Now take a good look at the list. Are the people in category 1 still influencing your life in the present time? Are the people in category 2 being treated cordially yet cautiously? And have you shown your appreciation and gratitude for all the people in category 3? Think back over your life and recall all the people who never actually screwed you over. Be sure to show those people your appreciation. Even in simple ways – remembering their birthday, etc. Sometimes humble goodness goes all too unnoticed.
You may also find that there are some people about whom you find yourself thinking “I just don’t know where I should place that person.” Listen to those instincts, they are there for a reason. Again, be cordial. But be cautious of counting on such people or trusting them with too much.
Private Space
Younger men in particular may have a hard time having actual private space that they are in control of. Family members, room mates, landlords and so on may have a controlling influence. You should be able to take a woman back to your pad without anyone running interference. If you don’t have that kind of scenario, with genuine privacy, you need to get it organized. Having logistics properly handled makes a huge difference to the success of your private life.
Extra Pairs Of Eyes
Not enough people believe that God is always watching these days. Not that I am religious. But the more people think that they can get away with, the more they try. The kind of people you can trust are the kind of people you can trust when you are not looking. But extra eyes – both real and artificial – are always beneficial. Nothing beats a hidden camera to reveal whether someone is stealing from you or a trusted friend to reveal whether others respect you as highly when you are not around as when you are.
However the most common evidence of dishonesty, especially in relationships, is in a person’s phone. They may have created hidden identities specifically for the purpose of maintaining secret liasons. Unless you manage to locate these through research or outright espionage, you might never know. Espionage is not a moral crime when done purely to protect your own interests. However there may be legal implications and that is a complex topic beyond the scope of this blog. Stay vigilant and learn to read tells and signs of dishonesty.
Do Not Become The Monster
It is essential that in the course of removing the various gremlins and monsters from your life, that you do not yourself become one of the monsters. So be sure to keep your own virtue and your own high standards. Never sink to their level. A good way to maintain virtue is to get into the habit of doing something for others every day. Not for the punks who don’t deserve it, or merely expect it without appreciation, but for those who need it. Do not become someone who is solely obsessed with getting what he wants at all costs. And don’t waste your life in endless paranoia over enemy action. The world is neither all good nor all bad, so be grateful for the good and seek to heal the bad. Be concerned with the welfare of others, not to your own detriment, but as a matter of general principle. Virtue is the best of all protections against enemies and gives them the least opportunity to tear you down.
Sometimes it takes years, especially when you are younger, for the smoke to clear and for you to realize who is cool and who isn’t, who is worth your time and who is bad news, who is on your side and who never really was. The quicker you can see people’s true colors, the better.
Now that I am older I look back and one of my biggest regrets is the times when I did not see sooner who I should have stayed with and who I should have avoided. Some people are awesome and others are a total nightmare. A relationship is an important choice. Aside from your own authority as the captain of your own ship, an intimate partner may have more power to raise you up to the stars, or smash you down to ruin, than almost anyone else you will encounter. Even if you are ‘just having fun’ this applies.
“Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends…”
Check out also: List Of 26 “Red Flags” In her Profile And Messages: How To Spot And Steer Clear Of Problems Before They Happen
