by Everything that you are… seeps out through the cracks of everything that you are pretending to be.
I know this sounds cryptic but bear with me. This is really all about what you are doing with your time and whether you are trying to get her attention.
If you are trying to rattle her cage and get her to notice you, that comes across pretty weak. I’m referring specifically to your continual over-availability, bumping your own posts in the hope of them being seen, and those 9 unanswered DMs you sent her….
Would a world champion athlete be doing that stuff? What about an A list rock star, or a CEO?
Nope.
You get the point.
Everything you don’t say, says as much as everything you do say. I don’t mean “fake it” and make it look as though you have stuff going on by deliberately ignoring her. Don’t do that, it’s just as pathetic as instaresponding.
I mean actually have such amazing things going on that you forget to even check your DMs.
Don’t forget, she’s hunting for the best guy she can find. I know it doesn’t look like that TO YOU, because she ignores all the shit you send her – but she is.
And she knows she is almost certainly not going to find him in her inbox.
Stop messaging her.
I bet you can’t do it. Just one more DM. Just one more hopeless attempt to be noticed.
But you forgot: She is hyper-attuned to NOTICE the man who has better things to do than her.
If you were chatting and it “seemed to be going well” and then she just ghosted – STOP MESSAGING HER. You already conveyed your interest.
It might take a month. It might take 3 months. I’ve even had girls whose contact I deleted hit me up FIVE YEARS LATER and be all “Hi <3". When it finally dawns on her that you aren't hooked. When her radar finally blips and she thinks “hmm. He’s not chasing me. Maybe he’s doing something so amazing he forgot about me. Maybe he has a new girl. There’s no way she could be hotter than me. But he’s not writing to me. Maybe she is. That makes me want him more. I better just see. He was kinda cute. If he starts acting needy and boring, I can always just ignore him again. I’ll write him and see what’s up.”
You should not even be on social media. What are you doing with your life, seriously?
You should be doing pushups, or making money, or making something amazing, or any other thing that moves you forward in life, makes you BETTER and makes you more desirable all round.
If you ACTUALLY DO THAT, it will speak for itself.
Actually being top tier speaks a lot more volumes than “trying to be noticed”.
Most people just don’t have the self-discipline to apply themselves to the difficult task of being amazing.
Yes, it’s hard. It will take everything you’ve got. But in another sense, this gives you a huge advantage – because most will never do it.
Most guys are out of shape, have no sexual skills, don’t have very charismatic talk, wear poorly fitting clothes and are fine enough with being “average” that they don’t do anything about it.
Fuck average before average fucks you.
Spend at least 95% of your time on self improvement and then – and only then – slide into her DMs. Or better still, spend 100% of your time on self improvement – as in, absolutely every single waking SECOND – and become so f***ing amazing that people cannot fail to start noticing… and then let her slide into yours.
Surely you can see that this is a FAR superior way to be. It’s obvious.
The real question is, whether you have the CONTINENCE to actually do it.
It’s a tragic irony that most men waste so much time trying to chase girls, whereas if they used their time better they would actually get more girls as a by-product of their self-improvement.
Most guys have learned the hard way just how hopeless online dating is as an average man. But most guys haven’t learned just how much power there is in self-improvement.
As Tristan Tate said, the best dating app is in fact Instagram.
For most guys, normal guys, average guys… Instagram is death. Men see all that fine on display and it overloads their brain. They get sucked into using the app to try to chase girls, and to consume content – rather than to try to build a following, demonstrate super high value and create high social status.
But when you hit that level of being made from pure awesome where people are naturally following you, it all changes.
Social f***ing media, when used compulsively, like an addict, is absolutely preventing you from being the rock star that you COULD be!
Because you only have so many hours in the day and every hour you spend going sideways is another hour someone else was using going forwards.
You need self discipline not to get pulled into a vortex of distraction. You should be using it ONLY to grow your following and to showcase what it is that you do.
Your yardstick of how well you are doing this shall be how many beautiful women are DMing you.
One thing that is important is to have the best pics you can. Mirror selfies, generally, are not such a good look. She doesn’t want someone who doesn’t have anything interesting going on. Look at the profiles of men who are super successful in social media and learn what you can.
I know, all of this is a drag. Many men just don’t have time for all this narcissistic BS and I am with you. I have more important things to do than play “look at me” games, I just don’t care at all about it. But if you want to win the game, you have to play the game.
Get a female friend to review your photos and tell you which is the best and which is the worst. You will probably be surprised; typically the photo of ourselves we like the most is not going to be the same one that others find the most attractive. If you have posted them on a social platform, look at the amount of likes each one got and use the most liked photo as your profile pic, plus delete the ones that tanked relative to the others.
BEAR IN MIND ALSO: Most dating apps are now an absolute dumpster fire of fake profiles, botspam and agency-managed hotties whose sole purpose is to lure you into their content sales funnel (Onlyfans, etc). You have no idea how deep this rabbithole goes. It is super crazy. If you talk to a random hottie online in 2024, its probably atleast a 50% chance that you are either talking to a bot or to an outsource worker being paid $3 per hour by her agency to handle the DMs.
If the link on her bio goes through to an Onlyfans or via some kind of “Linktree” steps to an Onlyfans…. you are talking to a dude, not even to the girl!
Basically, online dating is pretty f**ked – unless you are specifically and strictly using it only to demonstrate that you are top tier.
NEVER, EVER be spending time on there shortlisting girls and sending them hopeful DMs. You are literally wasting your time when you could be working on creating an amazing life and your success.
BUILD YOURSELF to the point where they are messaging you. If they are not messaging you, you simply have work to do, so do it and get TF on with it!!
When they message you, and it’s looking positive, proceed to a video chat. This will flush out any botspam and any impersonation. You will also get to see if she really looks like her pics. Always do this before making a date and if she won’t agree to it, move on. A real girl will appreciate you doing the same because she faces endless scams and impersonation fiascos too, with the added danger of dating being overall more dangerous for girls.
Above all else, move things towards real-life meets. First meet always in a mutually agreed-upon public place, which makes it safe for both persons. Keep the first meet to a 15 min coffee. Making it like you are busy and only have time for that will also look good, plus it makes it less of a commitment. If things are going super well you can say that you have a little more time after all and can hang out. If you meet them and think “yikes” (this happens somewhat often with online dating) then you can have your coffee, chat for a few mins and then say “I gotta go, will txt you later”.
Another option is to inviter her along to something you are doing anyway. This has the benefit of wasting zero of your time if she flakes. You are also filtering for actual interest. Speaking of flakes, going to another city to meet a girl is always a shot in the dark – you don’t know if she will flake, not look like her profile, or any other type of undesirable scenario. Sometimes, if you want to meet someone you do have to take some time out, it’s just how it is – but bear in mind that the further out of your way you go to date her, the less she will respect you for it. Set it up so that you have something else interesting or productive to do, so that no matter what she does, you have gained something of value from the situation. Me, I would take the laptop and if she doesn’t show, crunch through some work. And hey, new city new adventure. You might even meet someone hotter than her!
Always have a backup plan – and, one way or another, make it so that you win anyway, regardless of what she does.
That’s how you do online dating!
